So I had one of the most “Mommy guilt”-filled moments recently. Ugh, I feel like kicking myself in the shins every time it comes to mind.
My son and I were watching Toy Story on TV together. He, being the hyper kid he is, wasn’t content with just sitting back and watching. He was running around the room, re-enacting the scenes. He’d reach for his toys as props. He’d also call out to me, involving me in his playtime.
Apparently he had been trying to catch my attention. But I was seated on the floor, checking my work e-mail on my phone. Know what he did?
He took my phone, placed it on the floor, then sat on my lap.
My heart dropped. Bad Mommy! Mommy guilt galore!
I’ve always been big on “Being present for your kid” and man, is it hard. That was the first time my own son called my attention to how absent I was at that moment. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but it was a life-defining moment for me.
While he was on my lap, he began engaging me in conversations. We watched Toy Story together, this time, our attention both focused on Woody and Buzz. Thanks, son, for reminding me of being IN the moment.
MartineDecember 10, 2013 at 8:09 pm (10 years ago)
Waaaaah! I know that feeling, and that situation! Vito once hid my smartphone, and that time, it was because he wanted to be with me while he played Lego. he wanted me to also build things with him not just watch. Bad mommy rin ako, huhuhu! I am learning naman, to be all there for him when he needs me.
ToniDecember 11, 2013 at 2:36 pm (10 years ago)
Awww! Hugs! Let’s learn from these experiences but not kick ourselves too much because of them naman. Thanks to our little ones for being more “present” conscious than we are!
Chrissy CaballeroDecember 11, 2013 at 10:23 am (10 years ago)
I also have those moments.. Sometimes, before going to sleep (we’re all lying in bed already) I check my phone mainly for tweets or FB posts. I just scroll out of habit. But Lyndel tells me: “Mommy, stop working, it’s sleeping time” And then his little arms envelope me with his embrace. Bad Mommy must stop
ToniDecember 11, 2013 at 2:37 pm (10 years ago)
Lyndel’s so cute! And so smart. Sometimes our little ones see the bigger picture more than we do!
JessDecember 11, 2013 at 2:46 pm (10 years ago)
I have mommy guilt trips all the time! I feel guilty when I start nagging my eldest and sometimes reach for the tsinelas! One technique I am still trying to master is to connect with my children first when they misbehave. It can be hard as it requires you to pause and control your anger. Most of the time all they really need is my full attention. I tried it a few times pa lang but I noticed how connecting with them calms them down (calms my nerves too!). I guess feeling guilty is a good thing, it only means that we realize our shortcomings and strive to be better parents each day.
ToniDecember 12, 2013 at 2:37 pm (10 years ago)
We can do this, Jess! Good luck with the technique! You’re right about ‘full attention’ being the antidote. It stops us from doing something that we’d possibly regret… raising our voice, getting angry, and yup, checking smartphones when what they want is to be noticed.
LissaDecember 12, 2013 at 1:35 am (10 years ago)
It happens to the best of us. I don’t normally watch shows and movies with the kids kasi paulit ulit lagi and I get bored with it. hahaha. Once in awhile though when I watch with them, it’s pretty funny seeing their reactions to the characters in the movie or show.
ToniDecember 12, 2013 at 2:36 pm (10 years ago)
There are good days and bad days 😀
DashDecember 20, 2013 at 1:05 am (9 years ago)
Oh this makes me feel guilty also. I’m a work at home mom and working the UK time (4pm-1am DST) and when sometimes I get wrapped up in my work, I just absent-mindedly say yes whenever my son asks me something. One time while I was on my laptop, he just placed his milk bottle in front of my screen because he wants milk and to sleep na. I felt so terrible that I had to take an early break and spend time with him until he falls asleep. I’m thankful though because of that incident, I’m now more attentive to my son’s needs over mine.
ToniDecember 29, 2013 at 12:15 am (9 years ago)
Awww. We all learn from our experiences like this one! Thanks to our kids for reminding us about being attentive!