This time last year, I was nursing a very bad cold. I was sluggish. A visit to the gym didn’t help much, as my arms and legs felt more and more like rubber with every step on the treadmill. I was fighting the urge to fall asleep every minute. I drank Hot Toddies to make me feel better. I lost my appetite, but wasn’t losing any weight.
During the early years of our marriage we kept trying. Every test that came back negative would make me burst into tears. Every time I’d feel nauseated, my hopes would go a little bit higher, though later on they’d be crushed when I’d find out the nausea was just from a bad meal or tired eyes.
We decided to stop planning for a baby. The plan was not to plan.
So last Christmas, pregnancy was the last thing on my mind. It did cross my mind but I’d think “Naaaah, this is my body playing jokes on me again.” I didn’t want to take a pregnancy test for fear of bursting into tears again, even though I had already managed expectations.
Little did I know that all those little signs were signs of pregnancy. The cold that wouldn’t go away. The sluggishness. The lack of appetite. The nausea. There was a little baby in my tummy growing slowly, celebrating Christmas quietly with us.
I wished for a baby last Christmas, without knowing I already had one.
One year later, there’s a four-month-old boy in my arms looking around the living room as gifts are torn open. There are rattles and wind-up toys, onesies and baby books, stuffed toys and teethers. Our yearly Christmas Eve family reunion is filled with even more warmth and cooing, as little Timmy takes in all the love and affection.
To my friends who too want babies of their own, believe in miracles. This is my Christmas wish for you. May your home be filled with the love of a little one soon. Believe in miracles, as I did, and that wish will come true.
Em DyDecember 25, 2009 at 2:03 pm (13 years ago)
Merry Christmas Toni, H and Timmy! Your post brings hope to everyone.
This is what I keep coming back to your site for – a feel good shot!
.-= Em Dy´s last blog ..The Kindness of Strangers =-.
krnDecember 25, 2009 at 3:42 pm (13 years ago)
Naiyak naman ako sa post na ‘to. Merry Christmas, to you and your family, Toni.
dyanieDecember 25, 2009 at 9:58 pm (13 years ago)
Hi Toni! Hope you had a joyful Christmas with H and baby Timmy!
.-= dyanie´s last blog ..2 Days to go! =-.
aggyDecember 25, 2009 at 10:13 pm (13 years ago)
merry christmas to you toni and your loves! so happy for you! we have a 22 day old baby too this year
husband and i were content spending christmas eve and probably the whole weekend at home enjoying our new baby boy we don’t want to go out in the snowstorm anyways
wishing you a great 2010 too with good health and peace! take care!
.-= aggy´s last blog ..rennie’s bday 2009 =-.
Peejay GarciaDecember 25, 2009 at 11:00 pm (13 years ago)
Congratulations, Toni! Merry Christmas to you and your family!!!!
Warmest regards from Korea,
EperDecember 26, 2009 at 11:41 am (13 years ago)
As someone who went through the same difficulty in conceiving, my wish is a miracle baby for all couples who long for one!
.-= Eper´s last blog ..Is This A Sign? =-.
EveyDecember 26, 2009 at 4:05 pm (13 years ago)
Am really really a big fan of yours! Iv been reading your blogs now and then… and this blog makes me cry coz its the same situation u had with what am feeling right now….Thanks for the inspiration.. and i pray that God will give me that miracle too…
Merry Christmas to you and ur Husband and your so adorable timmy!!
ruthDecember 26, 2009 at 9:08 pm (13 years ago)
Wow, what a story to tell! i always have nauseated nose i’m too sensitive for seasonal weather specially here in holland the weather is going up and down wit, cold windy name it. negativeness haunted always my mind. sigh..
I feel the same feeling like yours but at the end i said to my self achhh not bad!
I truly believe in Prayer’s and Miracle. god see’s our tears are a language to our soul he hears our wishess either it was big and small and he never fails.
The cute handsome little timmy is such a JOYFUL to have a perfect christmas.
have a warm christmas and hugs so tight to timmy boy.
.-= ruth´s last blog ..Merry Or Nuts =-.
MrsLavendulaDecember 27, 2009 at 3:21 pm (13 years ago)
Merry Christmas Toni! Im sure you’re enjoying every minute with your wonderful family. =) i do hope miracles do come true…
.-= MrsLavendula´s last blog ..Christmas Eve Peculiarities =-.
ViaDecember 27, 2009 at 9:04 pm (13 years ago)
Toni! Hay ang luha ko! It feels as if you were speaking to me. My tears keep coming. In fact, this is probably the most I cried this Christmas. I want to believe too!
IdanDecember 28, 2009 at 12:21 am (13 years ago)
Primary Work at HomeDecember 28, 2009 at 12:48 am (13 years ago)
I agree we should not stop believing in miracles. I enjoy reading your blog. Keep on posting.
.-= Primary Work at Home´s last blog ..New video for Primary work at Home =-.
NenetteDecember 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm (13 years ago)
Merry Christmas, mi amiga, and congratulations again to you and H for Timmy, your little Christmas gift and your wish come true.
Much love from my family to yours… xoxo
.-= Nenette´s last blog ..2 days after Christmas… =-.
MrsGoodingDecember 28, 2009 at 6:01 pm (13 years ago)
Merry christmas to you, husby and timmy! Such a sweet post! xx
.-= MrsGooding´s last blog ..Greetings from the Goodings (rhymes eh?) =-.
JunnieDecember 28, 2009 at 6:55 pm (13 years ago)
The keycode is “Believe” – and after reading your post, it reinforces our belief in miracles. We believe and we now have a playmate for Timmy.
LissaDecember 30, 2009 at 1:34 am (13 years ago)
What a sweet little entry Toni. Sometimes good things come when we least expect it. I had a coworker who was in the same situation as you. They were married for 10 years, tried for x number of years and then stopped. That’s when she got pregnant. She has 2 beautiful kids now.
You have a wonderful 2010.
AraJanuary 1, 2010 at 6:14 am (13 years ago)
Thank you for this post.
My husband and I have been TTC for a year and a half already and so far, to no avail. This post was such an encouragement to me.
Happy New Year to you and your family!
smarieJanuary 2, 2010 at 1:49 am (13 years ago)
Belated Christmas and a very Happy and prosperous New Year to you and your family, Toni. Especially to little Timmy!
dangJanuary 2, 2010 at 10:43 am (13 years ago)
hi toni! very inspiring post/very well written! thanks for sharing your heart! i feel it..what a miracle indeed! if only we believe..
happy new year!
anjJanuary 2, 2010 at 11:29 pm (13 years ago)
happy new year, toni!
i’m looking forward to seeing little timmy soon. dehins ko na siya nakita nung pagdalaw ko sa hospital. hehe. kisses to the little one! and to you too.
.-= anj´s last blog ..Q =-.
aloiJanuary 3, 2010 at 1:53 pm (13 years ago)
what a lovely post, and a lovely way to start 2010! happy new year!
.-= aloi´s last blog ..My Best of 2009 =-.
GretchJanuary 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm (13 years ago)
hi toni, i’ve been following your blog for quite sometime now… I like it that it’s light & full of heart =D this post touched me so much as conceiving is a sensitive topic to me these past few months, we’ve been trying & every time I get my monthly visitor, a tear drops silently from my eye. I too have decided to NOT plan and wait til it’s the right time to receive that long awaited beautiful gift. =D Happy new year to you & your beautiful family =D
mabelJanuary 7, 2010 at 10:53 am (13 years ago)
hi. your post always inspire me. your blog is one of a kind!
.-= mabel´s last blog ..Poem and Pictures =-.
Rach (Heart of Rachel)January 7, 2010 at 10:54 am (13 years ago)
Timmy is a beautiful blessing. I’m very happy for you.
.-= Rach (Heart of Rachel)´s last blog ..Happy New Year! =-.