I was in a major funk a few weeks back. Work was just amazingly crazy, with projects overlapping and pulling me in all directions. Going home late became the norm. Eating lunch at my desk (if I could eat lunch at all) was standard. It took a toll on my well-being. I was going about mechanically, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I was just so tired.
Was I doing what I really wanted to do in life? Why wasn’t I walking on stars? I felt like my feet were dragging me lower and slower.
One morning, I noticed a piece of paper was sticking out of my bag’s pocket. It was a prayer we had picked out from a jar of prayers at the chapel a few weekends back. My son had picked it out for me randomly. I unrolled the piece of paper and began reading. The prayer grounded me.
Let the loving begin with me. The words pierced my heart as I read it. “Bless me with a compassionate heart.” “Let the loving begin with me.” I was reminded of my LEAP days, when we would be encouraged to always come from love no matter what we do. It’s a challenge, really, especially when you’re just so drained. But that prayer boosted my energy and I felt infinitely better. I was ready to claim love and compassion. I was ready to face the workday with a heart full of love, not hatred or misery. However heavy the load that day would be, I knew I could conquer it for as long as I came from love.
I also did another thing to ground myself. I took a break and turned to writing.
Working hard is great, especially if it puts food on the table. But focusing your energies on just work can be especially draining. I’m thankful for the writing assignments I have with POC, as they always serve to challenge me creatively and calm me at the same time.
I also made time to read again. It’s been over a month since I picked up a book. The break from gadgets and from reading only work-related stuff rejuvenated me. This book by Carolyn Meyer was especially lovely.
And then of course there’s family. My love. My center. My anchor.
Slowly, I’m beginning to feel “normal” again. Normal in the sense that I get to be happy with different parts of my life. The funk I was in was really draining and disheartening. But now I can say I’m walking on stars again — moving towards something lovely, bigger and more promising, and happy while on that journey.
What do you do when you’re stuck in a rut? What or who do you turn to?