Gifts and Surprises

As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the first in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Angie’s wifely steps.

I like receiving gifts. I like being surprised. So when I was younger, I imagined that my partner would be the kind to shower with me with little gifts on special occasions and even made-up occasions (I cut my nails today, so here’s a gift for you!). I imagined being surprised by grandly planned fishball and isaw picnics in the UP Sunken Garden while Sting plays in the background. I imagined the hubby would understand that exclamations of “look at that pretty Filigrenasia silver charm bracelet!” mean “get it for me when you get your next pay check.”

Well…it’s already May and the hubby has yet to give me a Christmas gift for 2009. I had to beg, whine and eventually force him to take me to the Hot Air Balloon Festival last February (in fairness, he had a deadline). My last birthday, I told him to get me a Hogwarts robe for a gift (which I did get, yey! But that took away the pleasure of a surprise). Our second wedding anniversary is coming up in less than a month and I doubt he has thought of a gift or planned to do (but if he reads this, it may put a bit of pressure on him. :P).

I can’t say that I did not see this coming before we got married. Christmas would just be around the corner and yet he has not gotten anything yet for his family. It’s bound to happen.

Oh wait, I already suffered the fate as his girlfriend. It is not unoften that I have to tell him what to get me for my birthday, which he was more than willing to get me if he can afford it. But then, being the girl who loves surprises, it removes the thrill of guessing what a gift wrapped package could contain. The thrill of being figured out is taken away. I used to get have tantrums about it. Poor boy could hardly figure out what’s wrong when he got me what I wanted and yet I still have tampo.

Then I thought, maybe I can use reverse psychology! Give him little gifts on non-occasions or plan a nice evening and maybe he’ll figure out that I want it done for me too. Everybody knows the golden rule right? “Do unto others as you want others to do unto you.” I gave him too much credit. He was surprised and grateful, but no, he seemed to have missed the lesson on the Golden Rule. Things remained as they were. No surprises.

It took a while for me to finally accept that that was the way he was. But when I finally did, I also realized that he has other gifts which are as precious as surprises, if not more. I think of the many times he would fetch me from the airport once I returned from a trip. I’d remember how he left Manila and lived in Davao for a few months so he can try out my world. I’d remember how much effort he put into our wedding preparations (definitely much more than I did). I’d remember how much money, time and effort it took for him to visit me for a month in Netherlands while I was studying there.

I now know that Jan may never be the fancy gift-giver I imagined my partner to be. I had to remove expectations that are contrary to what he is as a person. I have come to learn that his love is not the kind that can be wrapped in fancy crepe paper and tied with a silver bow. I still hope that someday he’d get the hints I throw at him for gifts to give me. I still hope he’d surprise me with a weekend getaway somewhere. In the end, however, I content myself in knowing he would give the world and a star just to make me happy. Our definitions of “the world and a star” may mean differently, but I think he was still able to achieve the goal. Surprise, surprise! I am happy with the gift of Jan.

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Angie is fascinated with valkyries and mutants and mythology, which was what got her interested in Jan in the first place. After almost two years of being married, she is still in occasional disbelief that she is already married. But overall, she finds it a pleasant experience. But that’s maybe she hasn’t seen the bills yet. You can follow her at twitter and plurk, check out her random thoughts at impulse blogging and her wedding adventures at so this is married life….

Hi! I'm Toni Tiu, and I've been blogging at at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.