What’s Your Love Language?

{The Five Love Languages}
{Image via Pinterest}

What is your partner’s love language? What is your love language? Since learning about this concept a few months ago, I’ve been trying to be more conscious about how I show my love to my husband. The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman. It shares five different ways to express and experience love — that ‘s what Gary Chapman calls “love languages”. The five love languages are:

• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

We each have our own way of expressing and receiving love. Gary Chapman shares that people shouldn’t use the love languages they like most to show their love, but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.

Discover Your Love Language

You can discover your love language by taking this Profiling test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/. My husband and I took it individually and then shared our results. It made for pretty awesome bonding time too! Go ahead. Take the test!

You can also observe how you most often show your love to others. If you are regularly giving presents, this could be your love language. If you enjoy showing your love for others by doing tasks, then Acts of Service is your primary love language.

{What’s Your Love Language?}
{Image via Pinterest}

Our Love Language Results

Conflict #1: How he receives love isn’t the way I typically show love.

My husband loves it when I do little tasks for him — getting him a glass of water (even if the water dispenser is just a foot away from him), preparing his food, etc. I, on the other hand, am not a very “service-oriented” person. I didn’t understand why he’d get so bothered when I’d point out to him that the water is literally just a foot away, so why couldn’t he just get the water himself? Turns out that my husband’s love language, or the way he receives love, is acts of service.

So true. I thought back to sources of our squabbles. Half of it really was because I wasn’t doing enough to make him feel appreciated. He did find joy when I’d prepare his pajamas for him at night, put toothpaste on his toothbrush, fix his baon for work. I didn’t understand how much those little acts meant so much to him.

It’s really a challenge for me because the way I show my love is through words of affirmation. I enjoy talking, giving words of strength, writing little love notes. He’s not that type of guy, really. In the past, I would feel bad when I’d just get an “Ok. Love you too. :)” after a long, mushy test. But through the years, and with validation from Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, I’m understanding that I shouldn’t take it too personally. I just have to be mindful and more aware that it’s not the way he receives love.

Conflict #2: How he gives love isn’t the way I receive love.

If I show my love through words of affirmation, I also receive love through words of affirmation. I like hearing words of assurance and listening to pep talk. I love letters. I love words! My husband isn’t that wordy type of guy. So while I’m looking for words of love from him, he’s been showing me love through his love language of giving love — gifts. My husband enjoys shopping for presents. He loves buying me little trinkets. Some are off-tangent, some are spot-on, but all of them are much appreciated. Such thoughtfulness! I’ve told him on more than one occasion though not to spend on gifts anymore. But still he continues to do so. This is his primary love language. I’ve come to appreciate the presents even more.

The good thing is he’s also becoming more aware of how he shows his love towards me — through words of affirmation. A simple “I love you” text makes my heart soar. I could be walking on Cloud 9 the whole day with words of affirmation from him in the morning. Just as I’ve been trying to be more demonstrative via acts of service, he’s been trying to talk to me more.

The Gift of Love Languages: More Self-Awareness

What I like about the concept of love languages is how you become even more aware of two things:

• how you effectively show your love to others
• how you gratefully receive the love other people show you

I’m not an Acts of Service person, but my husband is. While there’s a little tension between me and tasks, I’m finding it easier as each day passes because I know that my husband feels good about how I show my love now. I know I am effectively show him that I love him.

I’m also more understanding of how others show their love. There are different ways of showing love after all, and just because it’s not in the way I prefer to receive it, it doesn’t mean that other person loves me less. It reminds me of this wonderful quote:

{via Pinterest}

What’s Your Love Language?

Note that love languages isn’t just for husband and wife! My sister and I had a great time trying to understand our own parents’ love languages. It gave us a deeper understanding of how they’d want to be shown love, and how we shouldn’t hold grudges against them because they have a particular way of showing love. It’s also a wonderful way to learn about your kids’ love languages!

What do you think of the 5 Love Languages? I find it really insightful! Love is after all going out of your comfort zone too.

{5 Love Languages}
{Image via Pinterest}

Hi! I'm Toni Tiu, and I've been blogging at at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.