When Timmy was not more than a month old, there were nights that he wouldn’t stop crying. I nursed him, carried him, sang him a lullaby. No dice. I felt like such a bad mother, not knowing how to calm my own baby down. I was afraid I was doing something wrong, mad at myself for not knowing what to do, confused and overall, helpless. During those times, I would burst into tears and just sob my heart out. Eventually the baby would calm down. It wasn’t colic, he wasn’t hungry, I don’t know what it was! All I remember now is that he stopped crying after awhile. Each incident probably took only about ten minutes but from my recollection, they sure seemed much longer.
Other times, I’d be okay. The baby would cry in the middle of the night and I’d get up, nursing him, singing to him till he went back to sleep. But I was tired, so very tired.
There’s this one moment I remember clearly. Midnight became three a.m. Three a.m. became dawn. Timmy didn’t seem to want to stop nursing! Eventually I saw the sun rising, and I wondered, Why is this scene so familiar? I realized that the last time I saw the sun rise was in my much younger days, when I’d get home really late (well, really early the next day) from a night out with friends. Then I felt even more tired, even though I found the contrast in seeing the sun rise a little funny. Once Timmy finally got to sleep though, I’d sob my tiredness out.
I’m writing about this because I’d like my fellow new Moms to know this — crying during those first few weeks is normal. It’s normal to feel helpless during those first weeks. It’s normal to be confused, to be a bit paranoid about each sound the baby’s making. It’s normal to want to burst out into tears. You’re tired, and crying is one way for your body to release the stress. Your hormones are wonky too, as the body’s still adjusting post-pregnancy. There there, fellow new Mom, it’s okay to cry.
My friend Rowie gave me a heads up on this crying game during my baby shower. She said there would be moments like this. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen to me, but I’m glad I listened to her. My expectations were managed better, and I didn’t feel alone.
A strong support system helped ease the tears too. Whenever I would feel the waterworks coming, I’d tell my husband, “I’m going to cry okay? Just let me be. I don’t need any solutions or advice. I just need to let it out.” Men have this knee-jerk reaction to solve things when presented with a problem, I’ve observed. The first times I cried, my husband naturally gave me tons of pep talk. They didn’t always work though, and eventually we both learned it was all right if I just cried it out, and he sat by me. Having him by my side was enough to help me feel better.
Over time, the sobbing sessions disappeared. Over time I became more in tune with my baby’s cries, knowing immediately what he needed. Over time my confidence grew, and there were no more tears. No more tears from the baby, no more tears from me.
So new Moms, it’s okay to cry it out. If, however, you don’t feel any better or are having ill thoughts about the baby and those around you, see your doctor. Having the baby blues is different from postpartum depression. Crying it out is normal but only to a certain degree.
Overall, crying during those early helpless moments doesn’t make you less of a Mom. Let the tears out, let the stress out. You’ll feel so much better!
Photo credits:
Headache Olympics by Sean Dreilinger
Cry by lenifuzhead
Sidewalk Stencil by Franco Folini
Hi! I'm Toni Tiu,
and I've been blogging at
at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.
julie
March 22, 2010 at 3:52 pm (14 years ago)it IS ok to cry, I still do, but mostly out of frustration with myself for losing my patience too soon.
((hugs))
Jayme
March 22, 2010 at 4:10 pm (14 years ago)As I was reading your post, I was having flashbacks of my “crybaby” days. The only thing that really got me through it was faith and prayer. When you’re tired and frustrated, it’s so easy to forget about things you can be grateful for. But prayer has a way of shifting your focus and making you realize you are so blessed after all. Cry it all out then pray your heart out. Then continue praying even after the crying days have faded away. 😀
.-= Jayme´s last blog ..Superwoman =-.
Kay
March 22, 2010 at 7:43 pm (14 years ago)It’s ironice that the word I got was “waiting” which is exactly what I have been doing … waiting for the one I love to go back to me and give us another chance …
I’m not a new mom but when I was, I cried and bawled … it is normal … for now, I would have to use the brokenhearted excuse as to why I cry out of the blue =(
.-= Kay´s last blog ..Weekend Reflection # 44 =-.
CandyQ
March 23, 2010 at 6:53 pm (14 years ago)I remember crying a lot, too, during my son’s first 6 months. He was a colicky baby and would sometimes cry for hours on end. The hormones, exhaustion and lack of confidence in myself as a new mom would sometimes take its toll and send me on crying jags but I’d feel so much better afterwards.
.-= CandyQ´s last blog ..my baby’s growing up =-.
Elaine
March 23, 2010 at 10:01 pm (14 years ago)I remember my “crying days” too. I think most moms experience this thing for the first few months. I had a hard time coping up because I was staying with my in-laws and my husband is in Singapore working at that time. Sometimes, in the middle of the night I’ll call my husband just to cry. It was so hard.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..Belated Happy 1st year Anniversary Blog! =-.
Baan
January 31, 2012 at 4:52 pm (12 years ago)Hi, Toni!
This post made me feel a bit melodramatic because of my similar experience with my eldest, who happened to be born preemie (7.5mos). He used to REALLY cry a lot during his first months. I was having mixed emotions of all sorts. Having no mom (biological and in-law) around to help me out (both are abroad) and no nannies either — I really felt soooo helpless. He would only sleep on my chest. He doesn’t want to be put down on the crib or bed. He just want to be held, by me and only me.
Good thing I have a very supportive and loving husband who would willingly offer to look after our son, to the point of skipping work so that he could be with us. BUT the crying still hasn’t stopped despite my husband’s effort because my son would only settle down with ME. Oh, those days! I could still recall how I was crying along side my baby. In between sobs I would still lovingly talk to him and cuddle him.
Fast forward 2012, he turned 7years old this month. Whew! So many changes and he has grown a lot. A very loving “Kuya”, and super “lambing” son. Sometimes, when I’m having those “problem” moments that I couldn’t hide, my eldest would always sense it. He would ask me, “Mommy, are you okay?” or “Why are you sad, Mommy?”. Even if when I get taken away by watching soaps, and he sees a tear or two rolling down my cheek, my preemie would always hug and kiss me. He would softly whisper, “Don’t cry Mommy. I’m here. Don’t be sad anymore. I’m your superhero”.
Now, I really appreciate how all those sleepless nights and feeling of frustrations were all worth it.
Baan´s last blog post ..Differently Beautiful