Sometimes you’re so busy trying to find out what’s wrong that you don’t relish the things that are right. If there’s anything I’ve been learning about being a Mom the past six weeks, it’s that you learn something new everyday. And when faced with an opportunity to learn, being open and adaptable is the best way to go. Let me explain.
It’s tough being a Mom. It’s even tougher being a worrywart who became a Mom. Questions are constantly at the back of my head. And since I don’t always find an answer, they’re just hanging out in my mind, lounging around like unwanted guests at home.
Did I sterilize the bottles enough? Am I giving Timmy enough milk? Is he cold/warm enough in his sleep? Is he getting enough fresh air? What’s that weird sound coming from his nose? Is he sleeping too much or too little? Am I holding his head right? And that goes on and on.
There was one time (okay, maybe several) when I just watched Timmy like a hawk as he slept soundly in his crib. H told me to get some sleep, but I couldn’t tear myself away. I wish I could tell you I was drawn to how magical the moment was, baby sleeping peacefully and all, but the truth was I was checking for all sorts of things. Is his shirt loose enough? Is he breathing okay? I kept looking for things that might go wrong, and I wanted to be there to fix them right away.
Over the past six weeks, I’ve slowly gotten into the groove of motherhood. I’ve relaxed a little bit more. I’m still more tired than I’ve ever been, but just seeing Timmy flourish so well gives me strength. The questions aren’t as nagging anymore, and the doubts I have about myself are slowly going away. What has strengthened me is a solid support system, with my parents, sisters and husband helping a lot, plus reading up to get answers to my many questions. Practice makes perfect too.
Yes, the bottles are sterilized enough. Yes, Timmy is getting enough milk. Yes, Timmy is comfortable sleeping. Yes, Timmy’s getting the fresh air he needs. That weird sound from his nose is a little cold, just get out the Salinase and nasal aspirator. Yes, he’s sleeping just right. And yes, you’re holding him perfectly.
As the volume of questions and doubts diminish, my confidence grows. I begin appreciating the things I didn’t see when I was too busy spotting flaws. There are the dimples on the baby’s cheeks that appear when he smiles in his sleep. There are the gurgles and coos when he’s not fretting in his bath. With eyes wide open, I try to enjoy every little moment I have with the baby, learning as much as I can and adapting to any little change each situation brings. I’ve learned that having a system is good, but being adaptable is even better.
So here’s to being alert and aware in every situation, without being paralyzed by the what-could-go-wrongs. It’s tiring being paranoid anyway. And when I find myself face-to-face with my baby looking like this…
… I can’t help but think that I must be doing something right. ♥
Hi! I'm Toni Tiu,
and I've been blogging at
at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.
sheng
October 6, 2009 at 4:16 am (15 years ago)Motherhood at its best…Good luck Toni!
autumn
October 6, 2009 at 9:33 am (15 years ago)he’s adorable toni!
sometimes i find myself just staring at my babies making sure that their chests are going up & down, to make sure they’re still breathing!
being a mom is tough but it sure is rewarding!
.-= autumn´s last blog ..100 months =-.
Elaine
October 6, 2009 at 10:53 am (15 years ago)I feel the same way Toni. Masarap na mahirap maging isang Nanay but when you see your little baby sleeping peacefully, is priceless.
Cheers for Moms like us! Enjoy your motherhood.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..I think I’m chasing cars. =-.
haze
October 6, 2009 at 12:28 pm (15 years ago)good job on being a mom toni! just look at timmy, he’s well taken care of.
if only i can pinch those chubby cheeks!!
.-= haze´s last blog ..little wonders =-.
witsandnuts
October 6, 2009 at 1:44 pm (15 years ago)Ang bilis ng paglaki nya! You’re doing a great job, Mommy Toni!
ruth
October 6, 2009 at 1:56 pm (15 years ago)cuteness! look at those cheeks! and that smile!
you’re right, toni, you’ve got to teach yourself to let go a little. it’s difficult to enjoy motherhood if you’re in a constant state of paranoia, hehe. things sometimes WILL go wrong. but in the bigger picture, often they don’t really matter much…
.-= ruth´s last blog ..wanted: family pic =-.
notsquare
October 6, 2009 at 3:26 pm (15 years ago)aaawww… (((hugs))) to Mommy and *squishy* *squishy* the cheeks of Timmy. teehee
Eper
October 7, 2009 at 7:34 am (15 years ago)I was the exact same way the first few weeks! Show me a first-time mom who isn’t :p
But looks like you’re doing a GREAT job, Toni! Timmy looks healthy and happy!
.-= Eper´s last blog ..Let’s All Pray =-.
kat
October 7, 2009 at 1:29 pm (15 years ago)hi toni, i have been a loyal reader/lurker of your blog for more than 2 yrs already. I must say Timmy is such a cutie & looks a lot like you.
I am a mom to 2 lovely boys and I think you’ll be happy to know that the paranoia and the OC-ness lessens with time and will make motherhood more enjoyable.
Topaz Horizon
October 7, 2009 at 8:11 pm (15 years ago)I love your blog! I voted for you in Nuffnang’s Blogger Awards. Good luck–I do hope you win! See you in Singapore!
.-= Topaz Horizon´s last blog ..What I want for my birthday =-.
Miss B
October 7, 2009 at 9:04 pm (15 years ago)ang cute cute! pakagat please
promise di masakit hehehehe
Kay
October 8, 2009 at 2:57 am (15 years ago)Don’t worry. I had moments and still have moments till now where I would suddenly wake up just to check if B is still breathing. Crazy right? But it happens.
.-= Kay´s last blog ..random pics (events of last week) =-.
rowie
October 8, 2009 at 11:11 am (15 years ago)Wheeeee, what squeeeeezable cheeks! 😀
You’re doing great, Toni!
Your posts ooze with love for Timmy; I’m sure he senses it, and that’s what matters the most. 😀
.-= rowie´s last blog ..Ondoy Milk Mission =-.
Dexie
October 10, 2009 at 7:24 am (15 years ago)my gosh.. he’s just too cute for words. motherhood is fun. just gotta CHILLAX once in a while and worry about little stuff… enjoy it while you can coz he’ll be in college before you know it.. LOL ang bilis.. 😉
marie
October 11, 2009 at 9:28 am (15 years ago)aww, toni, am sure you are doing well and just right spot on
i cant believe in a few months all these feelings of urs will be mine when i give birth! at the moment, i am just excited to give birth already! trying to lessen the fear and keep the excitement of having to go through labour..high!
take care!
.-= marie´s last blog ..Trying times =-.
kat
October 15, 2009 at 4:37 am (15 years ago)omg…he is so adorable! i’d love to pinch his chubby cheeks! enjoy your new adventure!
.-= kat´s last blog ..go shorty, it’s your birthday…(in a couple of weeks) =-.