We’ve all had those times in our lives when we we felt left behind, left out, perhaps unwanted. I stumbled upon this poem while bloghopping and connected with it quite deeply. Past experiences of being picked second, not being picked at all, futile attempts, crushed dreams, and unmanaged expectations came back to me. As heartbreaking and disappointing they were, I find myself still strong and standing. I’m still here. And so are you. There is always hope. I’d like to share this insightful poem with you. Beautiful words from a brilliant poet.
Late Starter
Charles Bukowskiby the time I got good with things
other people were into
something else.
from the worst baseball player
I became the best,
unbelievably swift in the field,
tremendous power at the
plate
but by then the others were into
schooling, books, getting ready
for the future.
from a sissy i developed into
one of the best fighters
around
but by then
there was nobody left to fight.
the girls took me even longer.
by the time I became an expert lover
all of my compatriots were
either married
or disillusioned by the
chase.
all that was left for me were
the leftovers, the uglies,
the divorced, the mad, the
ladies of the
streets.I always became the best
at things when those things
no longer counted:
football, high-speed driving,
drinking, gambling, clowning,
debating, bullshitting, going
to jail, going crazy, lifting
weights, shadow boxing with
fate.but I was alone.
the others had become sedate,
had become responsible
citizens with children, jobs, mortgages,
life insurance and pet
dog.the very things which terrorized
me.I was the retarded child
still looking for more
childhood.
I still wanted to play but
there were no
playmates.I bummed the country,
prowled the avenues,
the bars,
I found nothing, I
found nobody.
I searched the skid
rows
thinking that something
could be hiding
there.
I thought
wrong.being a late starter
also makes you late for heaven
or hell,
you are always trying to
catch something,
some tangent, some
invisible thing,
it has to be there,
I can feel it there,
I can see it sometimes in the eyes
of a tired old waitress,
or the round spot on a pillow
where the cat has
slept.it’s there and it beats the
funeral parlors
and the millions of feet
walking in their
shoes
and the way it seems to
be,
the cities, the faces, the
newspapers, the sidewalks,
the stop signs, the churches,
the flags and the
calendars, the whole
unholy act.this childhood on the
hunt,
this late starter,
this slugger, this drunkard
is still on the look-out
and I know it’s there,
unfound,
waiting,
centuries late,
boiling,
swirling,
I’ve got the fix on
it,
it’s coming into
focus,
don’t you almost feel it
now?
I do.
Hi! I'm Toni Tiu,
and I've been blogging at
at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.
Yvonne Russell
April 18, 2007 at 3:56 pm (17 years ago)Hi
I love your blog. Congratulations on your Thinking Blogger award from Rachel at Heart of Rachel. I’m on the list too, and I’m thrilled.
I’ve been thinking of starting a food blog, in addition to my writing blog, and you’ve certainly inspired me. Congraulations too on the Philippine Food Blogger award. You’re on a roll.
All the best
Yvonne
Grow Your Writing Business
Pao
April 18, 2007 at 4:51 pm (17 years ago)waah! ako din sometimes ganyan nararamdaman ko. even now that i’m with hubby na, sometimes feeling ko napag-iiwanan na ako in terms of having a career. tapos noon naman na we were still separated, naiisip ko may career nga ako that’s getting prosperous thru the years pero magkalayo naman kami. anong silbi ng nag-asawa pa ako kung hindi naman kami magkasama palagi. hay naku, human nature yata na walang kakuntentuhan sa buhay. 😆
kaya i therefore conclude: make the most in any situation that you’re in. God has a reason for everything that’s happening in my life. korek? korek! 😀
watson
April 18, 2007 at 6:52 pm (17 years ago)Yikes ano ba yan… nakaka-relate ako kay Pao (yung naunang commenter)…
vina
April 18, 2007 at 7:51 pm (17 years ago)it’s always just a matter of making the most and seeing the best out of very situation. and siguro, we just have to know and realize which matters more to us.
Junnie
April 18, 2007 at 11:25 pm (17 years ago)there’s no reason to fret
no reason to regret
being a late starter
doesnt make one less greater
what life has given us
and the choices we make
are all according to God’s plan
no reason for us not to take
so its ok to be late sometimes
its ok to enjoy in other’s success
to not allow a tear to shed
destiny awaits, around the bend
leo
April 19, 2007 at 5:59 am (17 years ago)Sometimes it is not for our best interest to be too self-protective
and always picking the safe and familiar choices in life. The author of
of the poem is somebody who is too ego protective with a low self-steam so he makes the safe and familiar choices in life while others are taking the plunge into the unfamiliar world of academic, love, family and adventure. Only when he gathered enough strength and experience from his current situation does he moved on to the next level. This kind of a behaviour could be the effect of having a very strict and perfectionist upbringing, kids who are always scolded and reprimanded tend to be shy and introvert. Whereas kids who are given positive praises, encouraged to explore their environment and mingle freely with other kids tend to be confident and extrovert.
Tessie David
April 19, 2007 at 7:37 am (17 years ago)I like the various thoughts on the poem. I think it hits a nerve because we all feel that way at certain points in our lives. I thought that Leo’s response is a little off. He’s sure entitled to his opinion but he sort of gave a lecture on what a perfectly led life should be. To me, life is about discovery and gathering experience and memories – including regrets and redemption. There is no textbook each one can follow because we are all faced with different opportunities and challenges. Poetry is not intended to teach us Psychology, it is there to strike a chord deep within us and help us understand humanity in its full range.
Toni
April 19, 2007 at 9:36 am (17 years ago)Yvonne: Thank you for dropping by! Congratulations on being a Thinking Blogger, too. It is indeed a thrill to be nominated. I was touched by what Rachel wrote, and highly encouraged as well. Once you get your food blog up, let me know! It’s interesting how food blogs are created around the world. I like seeing what people are cooking and eating in different parts of the planet. Sometimes the meals are incredibly diverse, and sometimes they’re all just cooking one same stew, only it’s called by different names. And now I’m off to visit your blog. Cheers!
Pao: Korek! Korek! Minsan pumapasok din yan sa isip ko. Bakit ba ako napag-iwanan? Bakit ba wala pa akong anak? Ano kaya nangyari kung sumabay ako sa mga kaibigan ko na nangibang-bansa para magtrabaho? Kapag ikinumpara ko ang sarili ko sa kanila, mukha nga ako talagang napag-iwanan. Naiinggit ba ako? Medyo. Hindi naman maiiwasan. Ang mahalaga naman ay hindi ako natatabunan ng hinayang at sama ng loob. Ang importante ay nabibigyan ko ng kahalagahan ang mga biyaya ko sa ngayon — maganda at masayang trabaho, mapagmahal na asawa, mabubuting kaibigan, malapit na pamilya, magandang kalusugan, atbp. Sa ibang bagay, huli talaga ako. Pero sa ibang bagay naman pala, nangunguna rin pala ako. Okay lang ang malungkot paminsan-minsan, tao lang naman tayo. Pero sabi mo nga, may dahilan kung bakit tayo nahuhuli rito. Minsan, hindi lang natin naiintindihan pa kung ano ang mga dahilan na ito. Pero sa tamang oras, malalaman natin. Diba? Diba? *hugs* 😉
watson: Ay ako rin. Ang haba nga ng reply ko kay Pao eh. Hehe.
vina: Yes, priorities will matter in the end. I connected with this poem as the writer didn’t hesitate in baring his fears of being left behind and not making it. It’s a common feeling, but not commonly voiced out. I liked how honest his words were. You are correct in saying that it’s always how one can handle the situation. There are times though that we’re at a loss, when we don’t know how to rise from our weakness, when just feel helpless and… behind. Eventually we learn that it’s only in feeling helpless that we find out how strong hope is after all. And then we start realizing what matters, and how to handle the situation best.
Junnie: I like how you said “being a late starter doesn’t make one less greater.” This is really valuable advice and I will take it to heart. What I loved about Bukowski’s poem though was his honesty. You know that feeling in between realizing you’ve been left by the bus and deciding you’ll just walk home? That in-between feeling is a mix of helplessness, disappointment in oneself but at the same time one of calculation. He got all those feelings and summed it up inthe majority of the poem. And then at the end, he realized that, ah, well, I can walk anyway. It’s rare that I come across a poem like this. I like how it acknowledges the fear and sadness of being a late starter, as well as its subtle hint at telling us not to worry so much. Because, as you put it so beautifully, “destiny awaits, around the bend.”
Leo: I suppose this poem connects with many in different ways, on different levels. I didn’t get the impression he was of a protective upbringing, for example, nor did I get the impression he took safe and familiar choices. It is interesting how this poem can be analyzed in different ways, depending on the mood and tone as interepreted by the reader. To me, the poem wasn’t about man who took the safe routes and of a protective background; I saw a man who made choices later than others. Perhaps he was a procrastinator? Perhaps one who “covets his neighbor’s goods”? Or perhaps he was a man caught helpless by one incident in his life, only to realize how helpless he’s been in other situations in his life. Whoever he was, I admired the honesty in his words. There is always a time when we feel the grass is greener on the other side, as the cliche goes. The thing is, we don’t always voice that insecurity out. It’s not, I suppose, acceptable by society’s standards to admit a hit on our self-esteem, to admit a feeling of lack in our lives. This capture of hopeless in the poem was what drew me to it. And then, ever so subtly, he tells us that there is hope.
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the poem. A poem to me is like a prism — it is written by one person, by one light but then his words connect with or are interpreted by other people in a variety of ways. As I type this out, I do start to see that yes, perhaps he was one of a sheltered upbringing, perhaps he didn’t take risks as openly as others did. Whatever character he was, he did share one emotion that all other people, whether late starters or not, have shared with him: the feeling of uncertainty, and their quest for a realized hope.
Tessie: I share your thoughts on poetry’s power to strike a chord, to connect with others and to understand others more. I sure did feel like this poem understood me. And when I see how others relate to it, I begin to understand them a little bit better too.
karol
April 19, 2007 at 12:20 pm (17 years ago)i can totally relate! i think, at some point in our lives, we all have experienced being left out. tama si vina. it’s a matter of perspective siguro, pero, minsan, masakit lng din ang feeling na napag iwanan… 😀
Daphne
April 19, 2007 at 2:01 pm (17 years ago)I once watched a movie based on Charles Bukowski, he was one of the most depressing good for nothing always drunk poets in Americana literature. So no wonder his poems reflect this gloomy depressive state.
But I do understand where he is coming from and his words resonate our need to always compare our shortcomings vis a vis the success of others. The key I suppose is to just accept what we have and be content with it but not to be too complacent that we lose hope and forego our dreams in the process.
Thanks Toni for sharing this poem!
marvin
April 19, 2007 at 3:46 pm (17 years ago)Hi Toni! How are you doing? Thanks for sharing Bukowski’s poetry… and for all your thought provoking entries as well. Everytime I visit your site I always find something meaningful to take back with me in the real world. I like how you found this poem… which pretty much reflects the state of mood that I am in right now. And sometimes all it takes to feel better is to see my own state of gloominess in someone else’s work and realize that it’s not all bad and lost. There will always be better days. Thank you again!
rach
April 19, 2007 at 11:51 pm (17 years ago)Hi Toni. There are times when I can somehow relate to this poem. Sometimes I feel inadequate and want to belong. Sometimes I feel I need direction and think how things may have been different if I chose a different path or made a different decision. But at the end of the day, I just try to be thankful for what I have and hope that God will guide me and my family in life.
Toni
April 24, 2007 at 11:12 am (17 years ago)marvin: “Sometimes all it takes to feel better is to see my own state of gloominess in someone else’s work and realize that it’s not all bad and lost. There will always be better days.” I couldn’t have said it better. That’s exactly what I felt while reading this poem. And knowing that there are others who share these emotions make me feel less alone. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words!
rach: I like how you go back to being thankful for the blessings in your life. Going back to gratefulness does put things in perspective, as I’ve experienced.
Daphne: Hello there! I do not know much about Bukowski’s life, thanks for giving me a peek into it. Perhaps he wrote this poem while inebriated? Who knows, right? 😉 “Be content… but not complacent…” — you are so right. Balance, moderation, that is key.
karol: At masarap ang feeling na may karamay ka sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. MEANWHILE, I wanted to try the Spicy Beef Noodle soup sa Chowking pero hindi raw pwede i-takeout!!! Grrr. And then I ordered halo-halo nalang. Hindi raw muna pwede kasi there were 10 orders being filled before me! Willing to wait naman ako pero the fact na sinabihan ako na closed yun station, nainis ako. Hmph. Anyway, don’t worry, you didn’t lose me as a customer. Hehe. Babalikan ko yang Spicy Beef Noodle soup and of course, the delicious Chowking halo-halo. SOON!