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The past two weeks have been too damn crazy. Over the last fourteen days, I’ve been receiving news of friends who have gotten sick or friends whose relatives have passed away. Six of those were news on passing away, one was news on a friend in a coma. Brain tumors, severe arthritis, heart attacks, strokes, old age, cancer… It’s come to a point that I fear looking at my cell phone when there’s an SMS alert. Not another piece of bad news, I would hope.
I’ve asked a friend, “Is the world getting smaller? Are just we getting older? Or are there just more and more people dying?”
I don’t know.
There were piles of research on my desk yesterday. I couldn’t read a single line. The thought of my friend on life support would enter my head and send me into a daze. I packed up my things and went to the hospital to visit my friend. I was told that hearing is the last to go. So I talked to her. I knew she could hear me, and so I told her how there were a lot of things we still had to do. I told her not to rush anything, and I told her we’ll all be here when she wakes up. And then we’ll party.
And now I sit before my work desk, staring again at the piles of paper, reading through tables filled with figures and I wonder why the hell am I here. I should be with my husband strolling through our favorite hangout. I should be with my family, feasting on my sister’s latest baked delights. I should be at the spa, indulging myself after all this hard work. But I’m not. I’m making a living. I have to. It’s such a vicious cycle.
“I don’t know how to live my life anymore,” my officemate said. We all know the best way is to do a “Seize the day! Carpe Diem!” thing, but there are times when you’re just hopelessly, helplessly lost.
Hi! I'm Toni Tiu,
and I've been blogging at
at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.
jojo
September 22, 2006 at 4:34 pm (18 years ago)dunno if it’s coincidence or what…
my pinoy colleague/friend bolted out of her seat just an hour ago and told me her college batchmate from Ateneo has cancer of the brain, and had a seizure a few days ago and is now in coma. it’s so sad–kasi here we are making a living, meanwhile the whole world is out there waiting to be explored. and sad pa, kasi this girl is very young, at the prime of her youth.
i hope your friend pulls through (and pyro too!). i hope my friend’s friend will too.
JO
September 22, 2006 at 9:32 pm (18 years ago)hi toni, what a great slide show.
that is part of life… kaya nga for me – “live today like there’s no tomorrow” para no regrets di ba?
annabanana
September 22, 2006 at 9:43 pm (18 years ago)tones,
first of all, a hug! hug!! life is full of surprises, and sometimes the surprise can render us dazed..worse even immobile…ganyan yan lang, the trick is to believe that there is a God who designed this..and that He knows why these things happen. smile tones, everything will be fine! love love love!
rach
September 22, 2006 at 11:11 pm (18 years ago)hi toni,
what a timely post. i came from my lolo’s (close relative but not my immediate grandfather) wake last night. he had a heart attack. i haven’t seen his family for such a long time. last time we saw each other was more than 10 years ago. it’s so sad that our reunion had too be on a sad note.
i like your animated slideshow. it’s true that life is short. i always make it a point to tell my parents and my family how much i love them. those words always mean so much to the receiver.
take care toni.
rach
Via
September 23, 2006 at 12:05 am (18 years ago)Oh my Toni! This is horrible, about your friend! She’ll be in my prayers. I know what you feel about feeling lost, I’ve been there so many times, it’s like having a lifetime parking slot. Please take comfort that this is something that many people go through, especially our age. Especially when we think of what we should have at our age. (it’s like that for me) But again, we must remind ourselves that when we are in a situation that seems endless and many times pointless, we can always choose something else or count our blessings or both. We actually always do have a choice even when we think we don’t. Am just here if you need a sounding board ok?
I can relate too well to the feeings of lostness you wrote about.
Daphne
September 23, 2006 at 12:32 am (18 years ago)It seems that life is so precious nowadays. Here today, gone tomorrow. With too much to distract our weary minds, we sometimes lose sight of things which should really matter. But c’est la vie!
Dinna
September 23, 2006 at 12:59 am (18 years ago)We cannot always expect to be “on top of our game” so to speak. Sometimes moments like this help us to appreciate the better things in life. We cannot help but feel affected by all the things happening around us — but you have a resilient spirit, Toni. Why are you here? Because others derive their strenght and inspiration from you. Just be. You don’t have to solve their problems or save the world.. Just be.
jhie
September 23, 2006 at 7:02 am (18 years ago)oh!no everyday daw how many people died daw in a wholeworld im always watching news everyday grabeh!howmany people died but this year theres a lot of young men and woman suiside!grabeh!tlga noh!tlgang tkot me s bgay na yan i dnt knw y but maybe coZ i have a lot of dreams pa para s family ko!
Kay
September 23, 2006 at 8:44 pm (18 years ago)My 17 year old cousin died a couple of years ago. It was sudden. He go thit by a motorcycle and banged his haed. Just like that, poof! He was gone. So yes …
Savor life. Most especially the small things. And always, always tell the people you love that you love them. And when you have a fight with a love on, think if its worth it. If you were to die later or the person were to, would you really want to end it on that note.
Linnor
September 25, 2006 at 2:56 pm (18 years ago)Prayers are always in order…. for anything and everything…
pasion
September 26, 2006 at 8:41 am (18 years ago)i’m so sorry to hear about your friend. it is always so difficult to personally know people who are suffering.i hope that she pulls through
and how very very strange. about a month ago i was hyperventilating at how “old” i was getting. several of my classmates’ parents have already died. and of course remembering friends and batchmates who have passed away. but dying is a fact of life and maybe,maybe i need to be more accepting and not so scared about death per se.
karol
September 27, 2006 at 8:48 am (18 years ago)hi toni! i think i know how you feel. i felt the same when my mom had stroke twice last year. i still feel the same when i think of what she’s going through right now and how things happened so unexpectedly. ang hirap kasi i’m in manila because of work and they’re in bacolod. i guess there are just certain days that one really feels lost and vulnerable pero i think after awhile you get over these feelings and you’re left with no choice but to hope for better things.
anyway, i hope you’re feeling okay already! hugs!!!!!!
ps. i’m sorry to hear bwt your friend. i hope she gets better.
Lani
September 27, 2006 at 3:14 pm (18 years ago)You know what, Tones, these past few weeks were very tiring and depressing for me. Before August ended, my brother found out that he has hepatitis virus and still needs to undergo some more testing to find out what damage the virus did to his liver. First week of September, my niece (brother’s daughter) had a seizure and was hospitalized for 5 days. She is still under observation. Second week of September, my best friend’s father died and just last week my uncle (my father’s brother) died. Last night, I also found out that one of the kids in our neighbour died because of dengue.
I agree with Kay. We should always tell our loved ones how much we love them. Life is short, make the most of it.
Sorry to hear about your friend.