Being married is no excuse for you to not hang out with your single friends. But neither is it a reason for your single friends not to hang out with you anymore. Let me tell you a story.
I had a very enlightening evening with valkyrie. She’s a very close friend of mine from college. I truly enjoyed every second of our evening together — from watching a basketball game to stuffing ourselves with chips to grabbing tea and cheescake to that heavenly choc-nut ice cream to the quiet walk back to my office to the sweet good night hug. It was a night full of girl talk and woman talk — a combination of both.
I learned a lot that night. I’ve been wanting to hang out with my old friends for the longest time, but somehow I felt like they didn’t want to anymore because I now tick M instead of S on that status box. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a heart to heart talk with anyone other than my husband and my mother. And so that dinner with valkyrie was good for me.
Two lessons from wifely for this entry. One is this: Keep good friendships alive. Having a relationship with your husband is of course important, but trying to keep connections strong with some friends is just as important. I was able to pour my heart out to valkyrie in a way that’s different from me pouring my heart out to H. (That’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong.) And a good friend listens to you and understands you the way no other person does.
Second lesson: “I think real friendship is when there are no more expectations. I think it’s when you just learn to really trust in your friends and not expect anything anymore.” After we had that insight, I then understood that hey, if they don’t wanna hang with me, then that’s fine. I try, or will try, to understand why. I’m still okay with them and don’t hold any grudge anymore. That’s one of the tests of true friendship I suppose. And I’m really happy that I consider what I have with valkyrie as true friendship.
So there. Hang out with your friends once in awhile. Hang out with your friends more often. It’s good for your heart, it’s good for your married life.
Thank you valkyrie, for being a true friend, and for helping me learn another life (wife?) lesson. 
Hi! I'm Toni Tiu,
and I've been blogging at
at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.