“In the red corner, weighing in at 150 lbs…”

Never go to bed angry with the one you love. How many times have you heard that line? Even if we hear it one too many times, there is truth to that saying. While you could stay up and fight, once it’s resolved you both go to bed happy in each other’s arms without the issue hanging like the Sword of Damocles.

Some argue though that you might as well just go to bed, especially when emotions are running too high. Two hotheads won’t accomplish anything productive. One blazing hothead and one calm one might not either. Have you tried putting out a fire with just a glass of water?

Never leave for work angry with each other. It’s almost as bad as walking out on each other, only with less drama. Bringing your emotions to work could bog down productivity. There are moments though when it helps you focus on your work better. However, if treating work as an escape is how you manage frequent anger, you’re probably morphing into some kind of a workaholic.

Fights are very normal in a relationship. In fact, a little argument now and then is a sign of a healthy relationship. What makes fights better or worse is how you handle it. While hurling objects at walls helps release your anger, it could be an indirect way of wanting to use your partner as target practice. While you think raising your voice will get your point across, it could just arouse further anger in another.

Advice can be given and heeded, but it’s not applicable to all couples. The thing is only the couple involved knows the best way to deal with their own fights. Learning how to balance their personality types could be the key to minimizing the drama.

Couple #1: Rick is a quiet guy who hates confrontations, Emma is a highly expressive lady. Their style: While Rick takes off for a few hours to think, Emma has learned to express her emotions through her art. They talk after a few hours when anger has died down. This works for them.
Couple #2: Kirk and Leigh are both confrontational and highly emotional. Their style: They have wild, passionate, “angry” sex. This works for them.
Couple #3: EJ and Amy are both very Zen. They’re the type who don’t seem to get angry at all. Their style: Talking through the whole thing. This works best for them.

These are real couples, though their names have been changed. They’re good friends of mine so I’ve witnessed how they’ve learned to manage their couple spat. (Well, I haven’t and don’t wish to witness how Kirk and Leah resolve their fights). There are a lot more couples with more distinct personalities and for sure they too (you too!) have tried-and-tested ways of managing arguments.

As for when H and I have fights, I always try to remember that calmness makes for better expressiveness. It is so much easier said than done but it works for us.

This isn’t just for husband and wife relationships. It’s applicable to parent-child disagreements, arguments between friends, siblings, lovers. Here’s one more thing. When you do have a fight, resolve it. Don’t sweep it under a rug. It may take time, but you have to put to peace what you both started. Between the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head and a monster dustbunny hiding in the carpet, it’d be best if you both just faced the music.

Hi! I'm Toni Tiu, and I've been blogging at at Wifely Steps since 2003. This started as a blog to help newly weds adjust to married life. It has evolved into a home and parenting blog. I write about things close to my heart -- good eats, good reads, family, marriage, and the little things that make everyday happy.