Home is where the family is

by

What do you do when you’re sick and alone? What do you do when your husband is on a business trip and you’re left to your own sniffles? What do you when you feel the walls of your home closing down on you even if the alone time was initially welcomed?

You go home. To your parents’ home.

And that’s where I’ve been the past three days. It feels comforting climbing into bed and not having to think of your own household chores. It feels good reading till your eyes drop shut and waking up to no alarm clock. It feels nice hearing your Mom ask you every now and then how your cough is. It feels like the good ol’ days when you’re joshing with your sisters over whipped cream, strawberry Jello and chocolate cake.

The buzz of the electric fan is the same. The warm, laid back vibe is the same. The strumming of the bass guitar is different from my Dad’s drum-banging days, but the rhythm is the same. The knock on my bedroom door from my sister to ask a question is the same. The gesture of books being lent by my other sister because she knows I will love them is the same.

It’s, I don’t know what the word is, comforting? Liberating? I can’t put my finger on it. It’s that word for the feeling of knowing you have your family to come home to always. The word for the feeling that means it’s the perfect place in the world to be in but not quite because your husband isn’t there. The word for feeling secure, as you know nothing can harm you when you’re closely surrounded by the people you love most in your life.

I don’t know what the word is, but I sure know, and love, what it feels like. It’s happiness and nostalgia with a kick of anticipation. Each of us isn’t exactly who we were five years ago, and we have our bouts sometimes, but we’d rather be nowhere else but here. Most times anyway. And during those times, I wish I could just bottle up this feeling and save it for moments when I’m too far away. Open up a bottle of home. Your original home.

And get whisked into silly string and NKOTB gushing, laughter over popcorn and Coke, sunny afternoons when you’re waiting for your turn at the computer, standing in front of the fan to cool down.

But no such bottles exist and so I just close my eyes, right now, and savor the moment in my head. There’s my Mom cleaning up in the kitchen. My sister and her boyfriend watching TV. My Dad strumming on his guitar. My other sister absent from dinner but her messy CDs a strong indication that she was just here. And me on the keyboard, excitedly awaiting the honk of a car horn, a sign that my husband is finally back.

I still don’t have the name for that feeling, nor that bottle to contain it. But I am thankful I am feeling it, grateful for the peace it envelops me with, happy and loved, serene. I am thankful for family, my family. I am thankful I can always come home.

0 comment on Home is where the family is

  1. mary
    April 19, 2008 at 9:22 pm (16 years ago)

    i hope my family is like yours… :) really happy one… :)

    Every family has their own way of being happy. :) I guess we just found ways to maximize ours!

    Reply
  2. Gracey
    April 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm (16 years ago)

    I feel the same way towards mine. The only problem now is that we live so far away from each other. But when we do get together, there is so much love, so much fun, so much longing. There are so many things that are the same and so many things that are different, but they are all good. We camp in my parents’ room and stay there for hours, talking, laughing, sharing stories, watching tv, listening to each other. Just like the old days.

    There is no word to describe that feeling because it’s a very big one. Home is where the heart is.

    DITTO. :)

    Reply
  3. Pinky
    April 20, 2008 at 3:56 am (16 years ago)

    Toni, I absolutely loved this post as I share your sentiments exactly. :) Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece and for putting into writing what most of us feel but couldn’t exactly put our finger on most of the time.

    Hope you get better soon. Take care!

    Pinky’s last blog post..LP #3: Apat na Kanto

    Thanks Pinky. I’m happy you could relate.

    Reply
  4. rolly
    April 20, 2008 at 6:43 am (16 years ago)

    hope you get well soon. I miss my parents and long for their comfortable hugs. Too bad I failed to do that during their last time here on earth.

    rolly’s last blog post..Batang Kaning Lamig

    I’m much better now, Tito R. Thank you.

    Reply
  5. Hiro
    April 20, 2008 at 11:45 am (16 years ago)

    nice blog entry.. i agree:)

    Thanks Hiro!

    Reply
  6. Ruy
    April 20, 2008 at 7:09 pm (16 years ago)

    I’m really happy to see people appreciate the abundance they have in their lives. They help me see mine. =)
    Thanks Toni!

    Ruy’s last blog post..My Personality

    Thank you Ruy. :)

    Reply
  7. odette
    April 20, 2008 at 8:13 pm (16 years ago)

    i could not comment immediately when i read this post because i wanted to find first that quote from jane austen which spoke so eloquently about “home”:

    There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
    ~Jane Austen

    i am daddy’s girl, but when i am sick, i cry for mommy. nothing makes me feel better quickly than my mom’s herb concoctions and constant feeling for my fever, and healthy cooking. when i worked in manila before, i’d call home and cry on the phone with my mom and feel much better after, as if her words are soothing me. “coming home” is always the best thing, the instant i step inside, all my guards are down, my feet are propped on the coffee table in front of the tv, and i can care less how i look and how lazy i get. it’s the place where we can be at our worst and know that the people inside will love us despite.

    beautiful post toni!

    odette’s last blog post..swann&smerlin, a love story

    Thank you for sharing that beautiful quote, Odette. So true. And I share your thoughts on how coming home is truly a wonderful thing, a place where we can be our true selves with falling prey to any judgment!

    Reply
  8. Candice
    April 20, 2008 at 10:58 pm (16 years ago)

    Hope you’re feeling better! There’s nothing like having someone else (especially your mom) fuss over you when you need it. It can really suck to have to care for yourself when you’re already feeling so out of it. I’m sure they were glad to have you home too, despite the circumstances.

    (Btw, I tagged you!)

    Candice’s last blog post..Playing tag

    Hi C! I’ve already answered that tag not far back. Eep! Thanks for the tag. :)

    I hope they were glad to have me home. Haha. My sister got the flu so I don’t think she was too happy!

    Reply
  9. Daphne
    April 21, 2008 at 1:56 am (16 years ago)

    Great post Toni. I hear you, for me home is family no matter what. I have a very close bond with my family and we have built so many happy memories together. It is these thoughts which keep me smiling each day. Happy happy thoughts.

    Hope you are feeling better na! :)

    Hi Daphne. Yup, feeling better now. I’m ready to go back to work tomorrow. :) Thanks!

    Reply
  10. Rachel
    April 21, 2008 at 5:03 am (16 years ago)

    wow what a happy family ate toni.

    We have our moments, but we essentially are quite happy. :)

    Reply
  11. drunken lily
    April 21, 2008 at 10:50 am (16 years ago)

    makes me miss home even more =(

    drunken lily’s last blog post..drunken moment #1

    There’s always a way to keep in touch. But sigh, there is nothing comparable to actually being home.

    Reply
  12. dhey
    April 21, 2008 at 3:25 pm (16 years ago)

    i can really relate to this. that’s why i always still come home every weekend. i know i could/should be living independently now but i still love to go home weekly to pampanga. not just to get the laundry done but really rest. i never get to rest in manila like i do in the province.

    it must be ‘magic’ miss toni. :)

    dhey’s last blog post..from bad to worse

    Magic seems to be a good word. Magic rooted in reality, or something. :)

    Reply
  13. Christianne
    April 21, 2008 at 7:36 pm (16 years ago)

    Aww, I agree… there’s nothing like the house you grew up on to make you feel safe and complete.

    Exactly. :)

    Reply
  14. barbiegel
    April 22, 2008 at 12:53 am (16 years ago)

    when i am feeling sad or when something is bugging me and i can’t decide, i will just go to my parents’ house. Just seeing my parents and my old house, everything will seem to be okay even if i am not yet telling them my problem… I wish God will always make my nanay and tatay strong and healthy so that i can spend more time with them..

    I share the same prayers. Good health for my family so we’ll live long and happy lives together. :)

    Reply
  15. blue rose
    April 22, 2008 at 1:14 pm (16 years ago)

    how i wish my family is like yours toni.

    hope you are feeling better now.

    i love your blog!

    Hi Blue Rose! I’m feeling 100% better, thanks for asking. Thanks for the kind words too!

    Reply
  16. dyanie
    April 24, 2008 at 7:29 pm (16 years ago)

    nice post tonigirl 😉 home is my comfort zone and i know this is the place where i can be the real me. when i was in college, my mom would always encourage me to live in a dorm or a house nearby school but i always refuse. though 3 hours travel from house to school and vice versa, its always a great feeling when you’re at home :)

    dyanie’s last blog post..Self Reflection

    Hi Dyanie! “The Real Me” — exactly. No pretensions or judgments when you’re at home. :)

    Reply

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